Am I inspired or am I just crazy?

So, some days I wake up in a panic, thinking about all my life choices and doubting everything. Why did I learn Arabic? Why am I in New York right now? Are my decisions inspired by God or am I just making it all up? Does it even matter?

And many days I can’t help but thinking, “I am crazy.”

So one day this week I was particularly frustrated about everything. I prayed for specific guidance and answers to a few questions that I couldn’t get out of my head.

I randomly opened up the Book of Mormon and started reading.

The Book of Omni. 

Hmm, “I probably won’t find anything relevant here.”

But I was wrong.

First gem:

“For the Lord would not suffer, after he had led them out of the land of Jerusalem and kept and preserved them from falling into the hands of their enemies, yea, he would not suffer that the words should not be verified, which he spake unto our fathers…” (Omni 1:6)

Essentially: the Lord didn’t lead you this far (out of Jerusalem, across the ocean, through war after war) to let you fail. 

He hasn’t guided me through years and years of schooling, service, and employment to let me fail.

Later in the chapter Amaleki speaks of Mosiah, who was warned to flee out of the land into the wilderness and was led to the land of Zarahemla. This got me thinking about all the prophets who were directed to do something.

Lehi was told to leave Jerusalem.

Abraham was told to kill his son Isaac.

Joseph Smith was told to go to a hill and find gold plates.

And Nephi was told to kill Laban.

I’m sure all of these prophets must’ve, at one point, thought they were crazy. Nephi doubted that the prompting to kill Laban was really revelation from God, how could it be? It’s a commandment, “Thou shalt not kill.”

But it really was the Lord who spoke to His servants throughout the scriptures, they weren’t crazy. We see that clearly in retrospect.

One day everything will make sense to us. We simply need to learn how the Holy Ghost speaks to us and then trust in that.

“…Believe in prophesying, and in revelations, and in the ministering of angels, and in the gift of speaking with tongues, and in the gift of interpreting languages, and in all things which are good; for there is nothing which is good save it comes from the Lord…” (Omni 1:25)

“…I also know that as many things as have been prophesied concerning us down to this day have been fulfilled, and as many as go beyond this day must surely come to pass.” (Words of Mormon 1:4)

AND, this is really cool: the sword of Laban was passed down from one prophet to the next throughout the Book of Mormon (2 Nephi 5:14, Jacob 1:10, WOM 1:13, Mosiah 1:16) and even to Joseph Smith (D&C 17:1). I think it served as a reminder that Nephi wasn’t crazy, he needed to kill Laban and that was revelation from God. The sword of Laban is a reminder that when the Lord speaks, His servants can fully trust in His guidance and direction. He won’t let you fail.

Moral of the story: I’m not crazy!

I think. I hope.