So, some days I wake up in a panic,
thinking about all my life choices and doubting everything. Why did I learn
Arabic? Why am I in New York right now? Are my decisions inspired by God or am
I just making it all up? Does it even matter?
And many days I can’t help but
thinking, “I am crazy.”
So one day this week I was
particularly frustrated about everything. I prayed for specific guidance and
answers to a few questions that I couldn’t get out of my head.
I randomly opened up the Book of
Mormon and started reading.
The Book of Omni.
Hmm, “I probably
won’t find anything relevant here.”
But I was wrong.
First gem:
“For the Lord
would not suffer, after he had led them out of the land of Jerusalem and kept
and preserved them from falling into the hands of their enemies, yea, he would
not suffer that the words should not be verified, which he spake unto our
fathers…” (Omni 1:6)
Essentially: the Lord didn’t lead
you this far (out of Jerusalem, across the ocean, through war after war) to let
you fail.
He hasn’t guided me through years and years of schooling, service,
and employment to let me fail.
Later in the chapter Amaleki speaks
of Mosiah, who was warned to flee out of the land into the wilderness and was
led to the land of Zarahemla. This got me thinking about all the prophets who
were directed to do something.
Lehi was told to leave Jerusalem.
Abraham was told to kill his son
Isaac.
Joseph Smith was told to go to a
hill and find gold plates.
And Nephi was told to kill Laban.
I’m sure all of these prophets must’ve,
at one point, thought they were crazy. Nephi doubted that the prompting to kill
Laban was really revelation from God, how could it be? It’s a commandment, “Thou
shalt not kill.”
But it really
was the Lord who spoke to His servants throughout the scriptures, they weren’t
crazy. We see that clearly in retrospect.
One day everything will make sense
to us. We simply need to learn how the Holy Ghost speaks to us and then trust
in that.
“…Believe in
prophesying, and in revelations, and in the ministering of angels, and in the
gift of speaking with tongues, and in the gift of interpreting languages, and
in all things which are good; for there is nothing which is good save it comes
from the Lord…” (Omni 1:25)
“…I also know
that as many things as have been prophesied concerning us down to this day have
been fulfilled, and as many as go beyond this day must surely come to pass.”
(Words of Mormon 1:4)
AND, this is really cool: the sword
of Laban was passed down from one prophet to the next throughout the Book of
Mormon (2 Nephi 5:14, Jacob 1:10, WOM 1:13, Mosiah 1:16) and even to Joseph
Smith (D&C 17:1). I think it served as a reminder that Nephi wasn’t crazy, he
needed to kill Laban and that was revelation from God. The sword of Laban is a
reminder that when the Lord speaks, His servants can fully trust in His
guidance and direction. He won’t let you fail.
Moral of the story: I’m not crazy!
I think. I hope.
